Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
