I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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