He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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