Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
