Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My dick has a subreddit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
