So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
