I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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