I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
