She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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