The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
