I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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