At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
