This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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