is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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