I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
