Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
