im holly from the hills drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
