In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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