apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
