bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
