worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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