mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
