Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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