thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
