Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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