Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
