See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
