My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
