My hand turned me down
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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