At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
