she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
