dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So vagazzling was a success
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
