My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
