I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My life is pants optional.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
