What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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