my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
