we made out on top of his cat.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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