why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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