im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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