Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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