how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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