I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
