I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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