How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
