I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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