hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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