if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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