So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
