if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
