So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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