my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
