she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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